People of The Year...People of Our Time

The whole world is being "Psy-kicked" by the wave of Gangnam Style lately. I read on the newspapers that Psy from Korea had been nominated for TIME Magazine's People of The Year. Meanwhile on a different page of the same newspapers, it's reported that many had been touched by Officer DePrimo's act of kindness and said he should be on the same list as well.

"The generosity of a New York policeman who gave a pair of boots to a dishevelled, bearded homeless man has touched the world." (Acccording to http://m.smh.com.au/world/homeless-man-is-barefoot-once-more-20121203-2aqxf.html)

I started to wonder the real meaning of People of The Year. Went through some search Google and noticed oh boy! How the definition and interpretation had changed! Don't get me wrong, I do not disapprove of what DePrimo has done. In fact I appreciate and respect his kindness, something which I assume to be one of the fundamental virtues of humanity. Yet, it speaks of volume when many around the world are so 'touched'.

Nope it's not winter where I am. I suddenly feel the chill deep inside my heart. Christmas is just around the corner.

4 December 2012. 6.54am

If Life Can Be on A Click - And It Can't Be

Have just watched Adam Sandler's Click on DVD. It's the first time again after the silver screen. It touched my heart again, yes again... Life life life...What is life? How important are things we do in life? How much will our decision change if we could start all over again? I guess probably not much difference.
People take things for granted, easily. Probably not ALL all, but a almost ALL, at least I am guilty of that very often I guess.

13 June 2008 5.03pm

“All of us draw circles around our relationship with others, so does my father, except that he has decided to draw an enormous one for our family.”

This is what I heard from someone today. As the youngest son of a family of 6 children, living with his parents and siblings in a city in Myanmar before going abroad to study in a private university in Singapore, this young man is actually a special soul. He cares for his friends, helpful and friendly, no doubt he has heaps of them . He seems to have a really nice, loving family except that he said, sometimes, when he was a small boy, he used to see other kids with their parents at the amusement park and he wished he would have his father paying all the attention to him. Nope, he didn’t get that. Not that his father didn’t care about him or his family, but his father is more than a normal loving figure to his own family. The father has to take care of the children of his siblings who went all the way to the city where they live to study. The young man didn't understand why he had to 'share' his father with so many cousins, but now, he said he start to understand it as he grows older. He isn't very old, actually, I guess, early 20s?

I am thinking of my family now... Think I really should set the time aside of work, and spend a few quality days with them...

I don't want to have to click on the button to turn back time, even if I could.

Before it's too late... and it's never too late, now...

4.40pm 7 Aug 08

p/s: Watching Prof Randy Pausch has probably woken up the little guilt inside me. Ordinary, but touching. The best part of the whole talk? "This talk is not for you all, it's for my children."

-- Live your life, live your dreams, and blood is thicker than water.

Lust

I never thought that I'd fall in love with you.
The appearance of yours that totally catches my attention.
The more I look at you the more I'm bewilded.
Once I bring my lips close to you
Oh heavenly! The taste of yours.
...so sweet and sexy, penetrating every inch
of my tongue, the most intimate contact
that I swear I'd forever yearn.
You are full with passion and glow
with the colour of love.
How'd anyone not fond of you I do not know.
But I know I've so deeply fallen for you...

16 July 2006 3.23pm
Inspired by Blackcurrant drink while watching Pride & Prejudice
on one Sunday afternoon.

Shadow In The Dark

I am sinking into the darkness of night
Entrapped by demons of loneliness
My feet are cold but
not as icy as my heart
Classical music is playing on the radio
I heard voices of willow singing
Melancholic is the tune
So that is what i blame
for the moise in my eyes.

Sleepless is the night's best companion
Just like
"Jealousy is the shadow of love"
What Janusz Makarczyk
the Polish poet wrote
"The greater the love
the longer the shadow".

Too quiet is a night like tonight
That I hear jealousy
creeping
onto my long shadow by the bed.

...

It all started that day
When your hand touched mine
Accidentally with intention
A spur of current
Running through my spine
Butterflies in my stomach
Birds above my head
The day I gave my heart to you
I often found myself lost since
In those eyes when they look at me
In the kisses and touch
Which leave me speechless but merely moarning
Charmed by the witty talks
That I can hardly hide my smile
Wet in your shower of love and sweet talks
Lost in words
Everything around you and I
Becomes poetry

Web Entrapment

It's been almost 5 months of freedom without the internet.
Oh wait, did I just say 'freedom'?
What is the matter? Some peple might say, as having no internet connection, not being able to keep in touch with others is worse than not having their two feet running on the ground, not having the mobile phones with them.
Oh well, in the past few months, I did survive with months of internet-free and hassle-free time. I have had quite some free time to do simple things, such as flipping through every newspapers more than 3 times. On Sunday afternoons like this, normally I'd be watching the news on TV, or DVD, a quiet, relaxing afternoon. But today, since the broadband has been installed once again upon much request from my housemate, I've found myself spending almost all my time online again. I just had too many junk mails to delete from my email inboxes; and friends' MSN popping up all the time trying to catch up since I had been missing for so long. I'm not sorry at all, I've had such quality time before I'm once again entrapped by the super powerful, gigantic web!

Spring Once More

(This posting is dedicated to an old friend, whose friendship I've always cherished. I wish him all the happiness and success in his life journey, especially now that he's holding someone's hands towards building their own home ;))
* * * * * *

February 5th, 2001.

H,

How have you been? It has been weeks since I received your letter, but never got down to writing you one! I'm truely sorry. Time flies. It's already half a year. Just as fast as the changing of weather, from -10 to 29 celcius, isn't that scary?

I've had quite a bit of performances lately. Very happy. Written a few songs. If there's a chance, will surely present you one :)


Early morning of June 12th, 2001.

The air is cold and refreshing, just as vividly as seeing the picture of you sitting down at your desk, penning down your thoughts. I am delighted, always, receiving any mails from you, far away from the new world. I've just reached home after taking the night bus. Tired. Sure I am. Holding the mail from you in my hands. But your words make me forget all the sleepy thoughts.


Still teaching? Tell me.

Do you remember the last night we met? I could still remember so clearly. Would have wanted to have a longer time. At least a little longer. Did not know you very well. But the warm, big hug has brought the distance closer. Very, very close. The memory is still fresh.


Was it the night you drove me all the way to GH just to have a cup of Coffee Bean? You were tired. I remembered. After so many late nights, working on your songs, making arrangements for your travel. You were exhausted. Yet, drove us all the way, in the middle of the night. You said you wanted to have a cup of coffee. It was an excuse. I know. The journey, was just a way for us to spend more time getting to know each other. I know. Now I know. You couldn't help the calling of la-la-land, asking for my permission to take a short nap. Just in the car. Next to the cliff. The floating cold mist surrounded us, above the clouds.


Oh ya. The only picture taken with you, is just standing in front of my desk. Looking at it while doing my work, reading, or even writing songs is always energising. Believe me! It's true! Perhaps you have lots of doubts. But, it doesn't matter. Coz, this card has already proven how much I miss you.


Yes I do remember that night. The sadness of you leaving to a land so far away, though isn't showing on the face, was deep in the heart. Like a sharp blade, a threat to the fragile tissues. It was especially depressing, when you self-took the photo. You and I. I know you probably wished that the shutter could somehow freeze the moment. I do not recall much words spoken. That night.

I had always tried to turn away from your eyes. I never looked into your eyes. I wasn't prepared. I enjoyed the friendship. The feeling of being cared for. I wasn't prepared for anything more than this. Good friends are always best to keep. I thought. Maybe I thought wrong. Good friends. Hard to find. A blessing to have. Enormous effort to keep. And it costs, to ruin.


Spring is gay.
Especially with the drizzling thoughts of missing someone.
Summer is just around the corner.
Then, there is fall,
Followed by winter.
The season of snow flakes
is the time we meet again.
Eager.
Thinking of you.


February 2nd, 2006.

Dear C,

How's life treating you? I have always wanted to say sorry. That night. I am sorry. I always carry with me. That night. The other night. I slammed the phone on you. I have disappointed you. I appreciate your friendship, your patience, in me. I am but a fool. I must have disappointed you. A friend. A real friend. A friend so zealously investing in this relationship. I have missed something, haven't I?


Some time in May 1999.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go,
I'm standing here outside your door,
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye...

The guitar strings strumming. The voice, deep, yet light and rugged coming out between your lips. The sea breeze. So gentle. Starry starry night. Above you and I.

Do you remember that night? You and your band, banging into this young girl on the island. The night we met.

Summer. The season of love. The birth of all sparks.


August 5th, 2005.

Sunny girl. You called me. In the email. How I miss the way you address me in letters or emails. You wrote. Finally. After such a long time. I thought I would never hear from you again. You said you have moved to LA for 2 years now. You were moving back here. You said you were in a serious relationship. Your email, short and brief. I am happy. Nonetheless. To hear from you. Once again.


February 5th, 2006.

Spring. The season of flowers blooming. Just like the blooming of thoughts. The card I received is right in front of me. It's been 5 years. Things have changed. I wonder, if you were still the same?
My best wishes, to you, C. And the love of your life.


The night has fallen. The pen is almost at the edge of the card. But the thought of you is never ending...


4.23am

Revisit of The Place So Close to The Heart

That same old fried ikan kembong and ikan tenggiri with plain white porridge. The taste still lingers in my mouth and throat. The smell of slightly cold, fried fishes on the dining table, having left for some time after being cooked, waiting for all us the lazy-bum-kids to eat after coming back from school every afternoon...

It's exactly that taste, that I've just tasted again, after all these years. I'm back to the old place, my hometown, my own home with my parents and siblings. The smell, the taste and the sight of everything seems so familiar, yet so new. I see myself in that light blue school uniform, smelling of sweat and the heat from outside. Of course it's not like being in a totally new place with that deja-vu experience; but then it's not entirely being back to the same place that I once knew so well. Things have changed, a little here and there. There streets are wider now in some places. There are more buildings around, and more cars everywhere! More holiday villas, chalets, resorts in places we used to think if there were more developments that'd bring more tourists and income into the state; but think otherwise now, hoping that the beautiful surrounding which is the universe's most precious possession would still be preserved so that the serenity is still there for the locals to savour in years or generations to come.

Suddenly there's this strange feeling inside me. Nervous, and scared. Scared to travel to the past, though I must say out loud that I have had a great life living in this small town where fresh seafood is as easily found as McD everywhere in the big city where I live in now; the crystal white beaches and sparkling blue sea water of which others would want to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars travelling all those miles just to be embraced in the warmth of Mother Nature; listening to the sound of waterfalls, birds singing and insects humming creating the most natural and peaceful yet powerful symphony on earth.

Now when I've started calling another place "home", though not quite the home-sweet-home home, but home where I come back to rest that tired mind after a hard day's work; the luxury of being loved and cared for by the real HOME always moves me. But I'm too scared to face the bare emotions boldly, and I choose to keep that distance -- me looking into the bubble of family love embracing the soul of a beautiful young lass. I know its existance, I cherish and praise it highly, yet scared of facing it too emotionally, as if the sentiment is like a young knife, too blunt and so naive, carelessness would only pop the bubble, unaware. I know it won't. The sentiment is nothing but like water, so soft, yet powerful; once the sun of love appears, water vanishes into the air. The water does not really disappear, it's been transformed to something else, carried by wind, travel to every possible corner on the earth. The sun gives it so much power and freedom that when the air is cool enough, she's back to that fresh, elegant dew once again. I guess it is the circle of life that frightens me, it's the long-wandering that bores me, it's the journey away from home that builds a layer of shield to guard the heart.

Home will aways be home, the guardian of the soul, angel of our lives. And no, I do not keep in on this physical land, I keep it in my heart, and carry it with me wherever I go.

3.55 pm

Happy New Year

Does one need to get older before realising time flies? Or when one realises the true meaning of "time and tide, wait for no man", he / she is normally not THAT young anymore? Time is really catching up, growing up, growing older...

Another year has gone by, just like that. Oh dear, was like a dream to me. I have to say the year 2005 marked lots of important events in my life. Wouldn't say if it's particularly fruitful, but surely something :) Two overseas trip participating in international event, meeeting lots of highly capable, talented and ambitious people, too bad I am not doing my best to keep in touch, don't know what these encounters meant to mean in my life journey. People meet for reasons, and things - bad or good, happen for their own purposes. I just can't wait to see what all those experiences would bring me. Maybe nowhere, if I don't play my own part!

New year resolutions? Well well...yet to sit down and think about that. Excuses are the only reason why I have not done it. I will, I will...After I clear my wardrobe, packed the junks away, iron my clothes, prepare materials for my classes... bla bla bla

Really hope the year 2006 is a successful, fruitful, prosperous year with better health! Happy New Year!

1.56am

Diversity

I have just read a book by Carolee Dean, by the title of "Comfort".

It is about a high school boy from a town in US called Comfort, whose ex-con-father had just left the prison, intending to start afresh, but very much a coward, trying to avoid facing the reality. The boy's mother seemed like a very mean woman who ill-treated him, and making him work excessively without paying him any dime. Their little cafe wasn't making money, his mum hoped that her husband would one day become a very popular country singer, realising his dream (in fact that's her dream) ...

The boy tried to find comfort at school, in poetry. He wanted to run away from home, at the end, decided that there's a better way of escaping, towards real freedom, going face-to-face with his own life, the reality. Towards the end of the book, something was mentioned which I thought is very meaningful, also similar to a short prose I wrote some times ago about "Colours of the Universe". Here's how it goes:

What do any of us have in common? Diverse, yet all the same. We breathe the same air. We bleed the same red blood. We dream the same dreams of freedom and of hope. And in the end we are all saved by simple acts of kindness."

The boy in the story then went on to recite a poem by Naomi Shibab Nye - "Kindness".
A very simple story, yet moving!