Revisit of The Place So Close to The Heart
That same old fried ikan kembong and ikan tenggiri with plain white porridge. The taste still lingers in my mouth and throat. The smell of slightly cold, fried fishes on the dining table, having left for some time after being cooked, waiting for all us the lazy-bum-kids to eat after coming back from school every afternoon...
It's exactly that taste, that I've just tasted again, after all these years. I'm back to the old place, my hometown, my own home with my parents and siblings. The smell, the taste and the sight of everything seems so familiar, yet so new. I see myself in that light blue school uniform, smelling of sweat and the heat from outside. Of course it's not like being in a totally new place with that deja-vu experience; but then it's not entirely being back to the same place that I once knew so well. Things have changed, a little here and there. There streets are wider now in some places. There are more buildings around, and more cars everywhere! More holiday villas, chalets, resorts in places we used to think if there were more developments that'd bring more tourists and income into the state; but think otherwise now, hoping that the beautiful surrounding which is the universe's most precious possession would still be preserved so that the serenity is still there for the locals to savour in years or generations to come.
Suddenly there's this strange feeling inside me. Nervous, and scared. Scared to travel to the past, though I must say out loud that I have had a great life living in this small town where fresh seafood is as easily found as McD everywhere in the big city where I live in now; the crystal white beaches and sparkling blue sea water of which others would want to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars travelling all those miles just to be embraced in the warmth of Mother Nature; listening to the sound of waterfalls, birds singing and insects humming creating the most natural and peaceful yet powerful symphony on earth.
Now when I've started calling another place "home", though not quite the home-sweet-home home, but home where I come back to rest that tired mind after a hard day's work; the luxury of being loved and cared for by the real HOME always moves me. But I'm too scared to face the bare emotions boldly, and I choose to keep that distance -- me looking into the bubble of family love embracing the soul of a beautiful young lass. I know its existance, I cherish and praise it highly, yet scared of facing it too emotionally, as if the sentiment is like a young knife, too blunt and so naive, carelessness would only pop the bubble, unaware. I know it won't. The sentiment is nothing but like water, so soft, yet powerful; once the sun of love appears, water vanishes into the air. The water does not really disappear, it's been transformed to something else, carried by wind, travel to every possible corner on the earth. The sun gives it so much power and freedom that when the air is cool enough, she's back to that fresh, elegant dew once again. I guess it is the circle of life that frightens me, it's the long-wandering that bores me, it's the journey away from home that builds a layer of shield to guard the heart.
Home will aways be home, the guardian of the soul, angel of our lives. And no, I do not keep in on this physical land, I keep it in my heart, and carry it with me wherever I go.
3.55 pm
It's exactly that taste, that I've just tasted again, after all these years. I'm back to the old place, my hometown, my own home with my parents and siblings. The smell, the taste and the sight of everything seems so familiar, yet so new. I see myself in that light blue school uniform, smelling of sweat and the heat from outside. Of course it's not like being in a totally new place with that deja-vu experience; but then it's not entirely being back to the same place that I once knew so well. Things have changed, a little here and there. There streets are wider now in some places. There are more buildings around, and more cars everywhere! More holiday villas, chalets, resorts in places we used to think if there were more developments that'd bring more tourists and income into the state; but think otherwise now, hoping that the beautiful surrounding which is the universe's most precious possession would still be preserved so that the serenity is still there for the locals to savour in years or generations to come.
Suddenly there's this strange feeling inside me. Nervous, and scared. Scared to travel to the past, though I must say out loud that I have had a great life living in this small town where fresh seafood is as easily found as McD everywhere in the big city where I live in now; the crystal white beaches and sparkling blue sea water of which others would want to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars travelling all those miles just to be embraced in the warmth of Mother Nature; listening to the sound of waterfalls, birds singing and insects humming creating the most natural and peaceful yet powerful symphony on earth.
Now when I've started calling another place "home", though not quite the home-sweet-home home, but home where I come back to rest that tired mind after a hard day's work; the luxury of being loved and cared for by the real HOME always moves me. But I'm too scared to face the bare emotions boldly, and I choose to keep that distance -- me looking into the bubble of family love embracing the soul of a beautiful young lass. I know its existance, I cherish and praise it highly, yet scared of facing it too emotionally, as if the sentiment is like a young knife, too blunt and so naive, carelessness would only pop the bubble, unaware. I know it won't. The sentiment is nothing but like water, so soft, yet powerful; once the sun of love appears, water vanishes into the air. The water does not really disappear, it's been transformed to something else, carried by wind, travel to every possible corner on the earth. The sun gives it so much power and freedom that when the air is cool enough, she's back to that fresh, elegant dew once again. I guess it is the circle of life that frightens me, it's the long-wandering that bores me, it's the journey away from home that builds a layer of shield to guard the heart.
Home will aways be home, the guardian of the soul, angel of our lives. And no, I do not keep in on this physical land, I keep it in my heart, and carry it with me wherever I go.
3.55 pm
posted by Seagal at 1:25 pm
2 Comments:
well written seagal.
i know this isnt the first time u going home after a long time. seems like something else was lifted off ur heart as u headed home this time. a veil, now removed, to bring back the freshness in feelings, in the touch, making each moment new and personal, like a dive into the deep blue sea after ages, when each skin pore rejoices the passionate touch of water.
but such pleasure shud be consumed without fear. what is holding u back? why are u scared of accepting your one-ness with the home? is it becoz u think you'll find urself a stranger? i dont understand u
Iyer
Perhaps it's the fear of leaving again, which I know it isn't too far away. Yes, of course I cherish every second spent with my family. I enjoyed the time, for sure. Who doensn't want to be close to our love ones? Maybe I was just a bit too emotional suddenly. Maybe I am just afraid of growing up, and at the same time, my parents are growing older.
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